Feliz nuevo ano!
Another year has passed. Last weekend at church the pastor stood at the podeum and said “Look back at your year, look back at your year and ask yourself how much your relationship with God, with yourself, and with the Church has improved.” In the last year, God’s recovered me from anorexia. He’s brought me into a wonderful relationship with a button-cute blonde, sexy as a fox in lingerie, and caring to a tee. She’s helped me to let go of control soo much. I’ve run my first ultramarathon, I’ve gained 35 lbs, I’ve restored a lot of broken connections with others, all because God told me to let go of control in the hospital. God gave me English student of the year, graduation with exceptional GPA, three practical and writing-enabling jobs, and countless other gifts. Last year has been a year of growth.
Okay, onto my project now. I know, I know. I should savor. I savor every night during meditation, yo!
So, I’m going to attempt something like an introduciton to my paper in the next section.
You want to know who my mother and father are? You want to know who my God is? Fear. You look inside me and that's all you'll find.
Jesus from Martin Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ
When I first watched The Last Temptation of Christ I was 146 lbs at 6”3’. A body fat percentage of less than 10, veins bulged my forearms. My chest? curves and ribs and pelvis bones, not an ounce of fat. Temples dipped into my forehead, cheeks white as bones. Inside was worse. Every day, a large ball of emotion sat just under my left chest, right near my heart. Christmas night, I stood by the Christmas tree, locked up, unable to even make a decision of what to eat or what to do. I remember my mother pulling me to my room, slowly lifting the covers, tucking me in, and handing me a cup of rum and tea. I sipped on it. I saw demons on the ceiling. Pitchforks. Laughing succubi. Dragons shooting flames. Fear. Terror. Enemies in everything. My parents, my church, the fat, diabetes-disgusting world which told me to eat more, eat more, consume, consume, consume, join us in our world-destructive feast on everything that moves (and doesn’t move, too)! When fear becomes your God, everyone else becomes Satan, including yourself.
The next day, up and running again. Three miles. Six Miles. Eight miles. Ten miles. The mileage didn’t matter, but every day, on something near 1600 calories, shoes skitching on treadmill track or asphalt black or trail pack or anywhere that I could go. If I didn’t, I gained 30 pounds. If I didn’t, soon I would be my father: fat, lazy, addicted to cigarettes, sitting at the xBox and playing Dragon’s Age all day. When fear becomes your God, you look for something you can control. In my case, that was my body. When I entered the hospital April 15, 2014, my heart pumped 30 bpm resting. I nearly ran myself into the grave.
Sometime during my anorexia, I remember listening, enthralled, to Jesus, standing on the precipice of the valley, give his soliloquy on fear. I remember the acrid winds of the desert, William Dafoe’s blonde wind-swept hair, Jacob’s wide-eyed dumbfoundead love for this young man so ripped up inside by fear. I remember thinking how much Jesus’ struggle with fear, care, control so paralleled my own.
Since, I’ve watched The Last Temptation several more times. It’s become a treasured locked to me, something I open up and look inside to remind me of a person I once knew. I’ve watched it, re-watched it, researched it, and watched it again. And during my research, I’ve wondered why a film which I so love and treasure, which I believe speaks so much to the struggle between flesh and spirit we all struggle with, which captures a beautifully human and relatable Jesus so well, could have caused so much virulent vehemence upon it’s release:
From here, I’ll:
Quote specific detractors to the film
Thesis
Explore The Last Temptatoion
Synopsis
History of Time Period, Production and Reception
Interpretation of reception and themes
Explore Noah
Synopsis
History of Production and Reception
Interpretation or reception and themes
Interpretation of reactions
Conclusions about fear, control
Conclusion of Anorexia frame
Another year has passed. Last weekend at church the pastor stood at the podeum and said “Look back at your year, look back at your year and ask yourself how much your relationship with God, with yourself, and with the Church has improved.” In the last year, God’s recovered me from anorexia. He’s brought me into a wonderful relationship with a button-cute blonde, sexy as a fox in lingerie, and caring to a tee. She’s helped me to let go of control soo much. I’ve run my first ultramarathon, I’ve gained 35 lbs, I’ve restored a lot of broken connections with others, all because God told me to let go of control in the hospital. God gave me English student of the year, graduation with exceptional GPA, three practical and writing-enabling jobs, and countless other gifts. Last year has been a year of growth.
Okay, onto my project now. I know, I know. I should savor. I savor every night during meditation, yo!
So, I’m going to attempt something like an introduciton to my paper in the next section.
You want to know who my mother and father are? You want to know who my God is? Fear. You look inside me and that's all you'll find.
Jesus from Martin Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ
When I first watched The Last Temptation of Christ I was 146 lbs at 6”3’. A body fat percentage of less than 10, veins bulged my forearms. My chest? curves and ribs and pelvis bones, not an ounce of fat. Temples dipped into my forehead, cheeks white as bones. Inside was worse. Every day, a large ball of emotion sat just under my left chest, right near my heart. Christmas night, I stood by the Christmas tree, locked up, unable to even make a decision of what to eat or what to do. I remember my mother pulling me to my room, slowly lifting the covers, tucking me in, and handing me a cup of rum and tea. I sipped on it. I saw demons on the ceiling. Pitchforks. Laughing succubi. Dragons shooting flames. Fear. Terror. Enemies in everything. My parents, my church, the fat, diabetes-disgusting world which told me to eat more, eat more, consume, consume, consume, join us in our world-destructive feast on everything that moves (and doesn’t move, too)! When fear becomes your God, everyone else becomes Satan, including yourself.
The next day, up and running again. Three miles. Six Miles. Eight miles. Ten miles. The mileage didn’t matter, but every day, on something near 1600 calories, shoes skitching on treadmill track or asphalt black or trail pack or anywhere that I could go. If I didn’t, I gained 30 pounds. If I didn’t, soon I would be my father: fat, lazy, addicted to cigarettes, sitting at the xBox and playing Dragon’s Age all day. When fear becomes your God, you look for something you can control. In my case, that was my body. When I entered the hospital April 15, 2014, my heart pumped 30 bpm resting. I nearly ran myself into the grave.
Sometime during my anorexia, I remember listening, enthralled, to Jesus, standing on the precipice of the valley, give his soliloquy on fear. I remember the acrid winds of the desert, William Dafoe’s blonde wind-swept hair, Jacob’s wide-eyed dumbfoundead love for this young man so ripped up inside by fear. I remember thinking how much Jesus’ struggle with fear, care, control so paralleled my own.
Since, I’ve watched The Last Temptation several more times. It’s become a treasured locked to me, something I open up and look inside to remind me of a person I once knew. I’ve watched it, re-watched it, researched it, and watched it again. And during my research, I’ve wondered why a film which I so love and treasure, which I believe speaks so much to the struggle between flesh and spirit we all struggle with, which captures a beautifully human and relatable Jesus so well, could have caused so much virulent vehemence upon it’s release:
From here, I’ll:
Quote specific detractors to the film
Thesis
Explore The Last Temptatoion
Synopsis
History of Time Period, Production and Reception
Interpretation of reception and themes
Explore Noah
Synopsis
History of Production and Reception
Interpretation or reception and themes
Interpretation of reactions
Conclusions about fear, control
Conclusion of Anorexia frame